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Leren alleen zijn

Relax More - Leren alleenzijn

Ik kreeg een tijd­je gele­den een mooi film­pje toe­ge­stuurd. How to be alo­ne heet het. Het is gemaakt door film­maak­ster Andrea Dorf­man, op basis van een gedicht van Tanya Davis. Dat gedicht kunt u vin­den als u het film­pje op You­Tu­be bekijkt en klikt op meer weer­ge­ven of iets dergelijks.

Verfilmd gedicht

Ik vind het een erg mooi gedicht. Ik ver­moed dat de mees­te men­sen niet klik­ken op de meer weer­ge­ven knop, dus daar­om geef ik het gedicht hier­on­der, onver­taald, weer. Uiter­aard ook het film­pje, ver­der naar beneden!

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lone­ly, be patient. If you’­ve not been alo­ne much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alo­ne once you’­re embra­cing it.

We could start with the accep­ta­ble pla­ces, the bathroom, the cof­fee shop, the libra­ry. Whe­re you can stall and read the paper, whe­re you can get your caf­fei­ne fix and sit and stay the­re. Whe­re you can brow­se the stacks and smell the books. You’­re not sup­po­sed to talk much any­way so it’s safe there.

There’s also the gym. If you’­re shy you could hang out with yourself in mir­rors, you could put headp­ho­nes in (gui­tar stroke).

And there’s public trans­porta­ti­on, becau­se we all got­ta go places.

And there’s pray­er and medita­ti­on. No one will think less if you’­re han­ging with your bre­ath see­king pea­ce and salvation.

Start sim­ple. Things you may have pre­vious­ly (elec­tric gui­tar pluc­king) based on your avoid being alo­ne principals.

The lunch coun­ter. Whe­re you will be sur­roun­ded by chow-dow­ners. Employ­ees who only have an hour and their spou­ses work across town and so they — like you — will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are com­for­ta­ble with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for din­ner. A res­tau­rant with linen and sil­ver­wa­re. You’­re no less intri­guing a per­son when you’­re eating solo des­sert to cle­a­ning the whip­ped cream from the dish with your fin­ger. In fact some peo­p­le at full tables will wish they were whe­re you were.

Go to the movies. Whe­re it is dark and soothing. Alo­ne in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then, take yourself out dan­cing to a club whe­re no one knows you. Stand on the out­si­de of the floor till the lights con­vin­ce you more and more and the music shows you. Dan­ce like no one’s watching…because, they’­re pro­ba­bly not. And, if they are, assu­me it is with best of human inten­ti­ons. The way bodies move gen­ui­ne­ly to beats is, after all, gor­geous and affec­ting. Dan­ce until you’­re swea­ting, and beads of per­spi­ra­ti­on remind you of life’s best things, down your back like a brook of bles­sings.
Go to the woods alo­ne, and the trees and squir­rels will watch for you.

Go to an unfa­mi­liar city, roam the streets, the­re’­re always sta­tu­es to talk to and ben­ches made for sit­ting give stran­gers a sha­red exis­ten­ce if only for a minu­te and the­se moments can be so uplif­ting and the con­ver­sa­ti­ons you get in by sit­ting alo­ne on ben­ches might’­ve never hap­pe­ned had you not been the­re by yourself

Soci­e­ty is afraid of alone­dom, like lone­ly hearts are was­ting away in base­ments, like peo­p­le must have pro­blems if, after a whi­le, nobo­dy is dating them. but lone­ly is a free­dom that bre­a­ths easy and weight­less and lone­ly is hea­ling if you make it.

You could stand, swa­thed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your part­ner, look both fur­ther and far­ther for the end­less quest for com­pa­ny. But no one’s in your head and by the time you trans­la­te your thoughts, some essen­ce of them may be lost or per­haps it is just kept.

Per­haps in the inte­rest of loving one­self, per­haps all tho­se sap­py slo­gans from pre­school over to high school’s gro­aning were tokens for hol­ding the lone­ly at bay. Cuz if you’­re hap­py in your head than soli­tu­de is bles­sed and alo­ne is okay.

It’s okay if no one belie­ves like you. All expe­rien­ce is uni­que, no one has the same synap­ses, can’t think like you, for this be rel­ei­ved, keeps things inte­res­ting lifes magic things in reach.

And it doesn’t mean you’­re not con­nec­ted, that communitie’s not pre­sent, just take the per­spec­ti­ve you get from being one per­son in one head and feel the effects of it. take silen­ce and res­pect it. if you have an art that needs a prac­ti­ce, stop neglec­ting it. if your fami­ly doesn’t get you, or reli­gious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

You could be in an instant sur­roun­ded if you nee­ded it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
The­re is heat in free­zing, be a testament.

Foto: Diego Jime­nez on Uns­plash

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